Thursday, January 28, 2010

New year.

Dear reader,
It appears as though I've been neglecting my blog. It's been almost 8 months since I've posted and well over two years since I've composed or created anything noteworthy. I could easily blame my absence on Twitter. The thought of writing an entire paragraph now seems a bit daunting since I'm so used to pecking out no more than 140 characters at a time.
I could also use my return to work as an excuse. It was a huge shock to the system at first, but we slowly carved out a new morning routine that included the pickle. Turn off alarm at 5:45am. Get out of bed at 6am. Shower. Get dressed. Nudge husband. Pull the wee one out of his slumber. Change diaper. Select outfit. Inhale breakfast. Blowdry hair. Look for car keys. Grab purse. Throw on coat. Look for car keys. Sprint to car no later than 6:57am. Hit all red lights. Swear like a truck driver. Speed into station at 7:06am...just in time to board 7:04 train. Spend the next 8 hours wondering how to survive another day of self inflicted torture. Dash out of office at 5:12pm. Curse the TTC gods for making my life hell. Run though Union Station like a maniac. Board the 5:40pm train. Arrive in Guelph after 7pm. Speed home. Catch the tail end of dinner. Bathtime. Storytime. Bedtime. Make lunch. Eat dinner. Contemplate suicide. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
So I dusted off the old resume and started looking for a new job that would allow me to work closer to home. After 8 long years with the One of a Kind Show, I finally made the very tough decision to leave. It's so easy to become your job and for your job to become your life. Certain work environments teach you that you must work nights and weekends. You must work overtime. You must work grueling hours and you must do whatever you can in order to get the job done. When you love what you do, you're willing to loosen the slack and make a few compromises. I bought into this mentality for many years with the logic that I was simply paying my dues and eventually all of my hard work, dedication, passion and experience would bring me acceptance, recognition and of course a higher salary to make it all worthwhile. I'm here to tell you that that isn't always the case. Do what you love and follow your heart, but listen to your instincts. If you aren't conducting yourself like a well run business, perhaps it's time to do a little reassessment. You probably deserve it more than you think.
So here I am, six months into my fantastic new job with the Ontario Crafts Council. Working from home, travelling across the region, meeting other OCC members and organizing lots of fantastic programs to highlight their talent and improve their business.
But this still doesn't explain my absence online. Theoretically, I should have more time to paint, to create, to share. But I've found that since I've become a mom, my ability to be poetic and thoughtful and contemplative have all but vanished. I'm far too practical. I don't view snowbanks the way I used to. I don't consider trees as deeply. I haven't had the urge to play around in the studio.
Which leaves me wondering when it will all come back again...

2 comments:

  1. It will all come back! It's beautiful when you see someone making the right choices and you seem to be doing that...following your heart and making it all blend together like a work of art...a tapestry of motherhood, relationships and life!!

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  2. I hope so! Thanks so much for your encouragement, Francesca! I made a bold step today...moving the blank 5x6 ft canvas from one side of the room to the other. So far, so good!

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